stormy--'s Diaryland Diary


The Day (but it was really night) when I went to an impromptu party in my jammies

Thursday night is trash night in my neck-o-the-woods.  So typically on Thursday evenings all of my neighbors and I lug our trash cans to the curb, wave to each other from across the street, and wait for the garbage truck to come and almost magically whisk away our crap sometime during the night.  Thursday has always been trash night except for a few times a year during a holiday week when it's one day late.  (I think you can see where I'm about to go.  But keep reading.  It gets good).

So yesterday I dutifully dragged my trash cans to the curb.  Not only did I have my normal full trash can but I also had ten overstuffed lawn refuse bags filled with leaves, sticks, and other stuff I found in my yard.  It was sweaty work and I was happy when I was finished with my last bag.  

But, just as I turned to trek back to my house and the frosty Diet Pepsi I knew was waiting for me, it dawned on me that this was Memorial Day week and trash was therefore one day late.  I even expressed my annoyance verbally with, "Oh crap!  This isn't trash night!"  

Bob (an older man in his eighties who's a neighbor that lives catty-corner to me {also, his name isn't really Bob but that's what I call him - just not to his face [there's a story there]}) was out on his front porch and called out, "Hey!  You okay?"  Bob is the neighborhood busybody and is privy to everything going on on our block.  I just waved at him and yelled back, "It's fine.  I just set out my trash a bit early.  But that's okay.  It'll be fine out here until tomorrow night."  Bob agreed and we both went on our merry way.  

So last night I was in bed and kind of dozing while I watched the late news.  That's when my weather man came on and said that sometime after midnight bad storms were going to push through and we could expect torrential downpours, heavy winds, and even hail.  

All of a sudden I wasn't dozing any more because all I could think of was my lawn refuse bags out by my curb.  Those bags are made out of paper and heavy rains would make them a soggy mess.  Plus bad winds might knock them over, leaves might scatter, and then I'd have to go out there and pick them up all over again.  

So, with a growl that came from deep in my chest, I kicked off my blankets, pulled my wild and crazy hair back into a haphazard pony tail, and slipped on a pair of flip flops. 

Want to know a secret??  Don't tell anyone, but I'm a big scaredy cat.  And it was dark out there at 11:30 pm!  So, before I even made it outside I stopped and thought about taking something I could use to protect myself against any potential Boogeymen and riffraff.  But my taser seemed too dramatic and I have no idea where I put my purse sized can of Mace.  I would have taken a golf club but that would have been too cumbersome to carry as well as my leaf bags.  So, instead, I yanked up my big girl panties (metaphorically of course) and marched out there with the attitude that dared anyone to mess with me.  

Okay, I'm giggling right now because I live in the center of middle class suburbia where the worse thing someone has done is leaving their Christmas decorations in their yard until the summer.  And yet there I was worried about Boogeymen and riffraff.  Also, the people that live around me are all older senior citizens or, if not senior aged yet, have kids my age.  I'm the youngest person on my block.  But, like I said, I'm a big scaredy cat.  

So, I marched out there while constantly looking to my left and right and mean mugging any suspicious looking bushes or shadows.  When I got to my curb I leaned over to grab a lawn refuse bag in each hand when Bob yelled out, "Hey!"  

I was already on edge and I was not expecting someone to call out to me.  So, I jumped back from my lawn bags with a high pitched scream.  I don't know if I've ever screamed so loud.  It was so loud that all of my neighbor's lights came flashing on.  House lights, porch lights, two dogs started barking, and then people started coming outside onto their porches.  

Feeling so stupid, I had to explain what I was doing six times and how Bob (a smoker who only smokes outside even though he only has one lung!!) scared the crap out of me.  I was embarrassed but everyone else got a kick out of it.  Next thing I knew I had three elderly gentlemen helping me pull my lawn bags and trash can back into my garage.  

Apparently, the novelty of someone screaming in our neighborhood at night made the folks around me yearn for some more excitement because no one wanted to go back inside their houses.  

The older couple across the street - let's just call them Fred and Wilma - said they were just about to light up ...  hmm.... let's just call it "some dandelion".  You know, for their "glaucoma".  {insert wink here}.  (Fred and Wilma are hippies who probably still believe it's the 1970's.  Every single time Fred sees me outside or sees me pulling out of my driveway he gives me the peace sign.  And, anyone who walks past their house on any given day will probably suffer from secondhand "dandelion".)   

Betty (once again, not her real name), who lives next to them, added that she just made some guacamole.  Before I even knew what was going on, a table was set up on Betty's front yard.  There was guacamole, tortilla chips, Oreo cookies, a package of buns and some lunch meat, 2 - 6 packs of beer, and someone even set out a veggie tray.  A veggie tray!  Who has a whole party sized veggie tray just layin' around?  

I didn't have anything to bring to the impromptu party.  Guiltily I thought about my party sized bag of peanut M&Ms.  But the bag is almost halfway gone and no way was I offering to share.  Nah ah.  Nope.  Those babies were going to stay safely tucked away in my kitchen cupboard.  

There were only 8 of us out there, so we weren't having a party of more than 10 people, and we made sure to stay 6 feet away from each other.  Well, I made sure of it.  I seriously felt like everyone's grandma the way I kept telling them to separate so we wouldn't share any germs with each other.  

It was actually really nice.  I mean, it was nice even though this was the first "party" I ever went to where I had messy hair, my glasses on, and I was wearing my jammies and no bra.  Since it was night I didn't feel too awkward about the no bra thing.  But I did catch Bam Bam (the guy who lives on the far side of Bob with his wife Pebbles) glancing down that way a time or two.  I think Pebbles noticed it too since she elbowed him a few times.  But, I can't help it if I was blessed in that department.  Plus, I tried keeping my arms crossed over my chest, but that's hard to do with a plate of guac and chips in one hand.  

I made my leave when Fred and Wilma brought out the 'dandelion'.  I'm not a fuddy-duddy, but I've never done 'dandelion' and I don't ever plan to start.  So, I got booed as I waved goodbye to everyone and walked back up my driveway.  And, about twenty minutes later when I was back all snuggled up in bed, those little buggers actually tried to ding dong dash me!  They rang my front door bell repeatedly and then tried to run away before I caught them.  The only problem was they were cackling so loud that I didn't even have to get out of bed to know it was them.  I did peek out my window and laughed when I saw Bob helping his wife down my front steps and Wilma doing her fast-slow walk across my front yard because not long ago she had to have a hip replaced.  

See?  I wasn't being too paranoid when I wanted something to use as protection when I went outside earlier. Riffraff really is a major concern in middle class suburbia. 

4:37 p.m. - 2020-05-29


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